Feel.

July 30, 2007

There is an immediate draw to a plan that promises you quick weight loss with no exercise. The plan promises you that you will not be hungry. It promises you quick results.You sign up. You want to know more. You find out that many of the people there are having such fast losses. You want that, too.

Told to follow those with the best successes, you strive to emulate those successes. To make them your own.

You are hungry for a few days, but that goes away. Now you feel high. Happy. Light. You are eating 1200 calories a day and you don’t feel a thing.

The loss slows. You know you could probably do with a little less. You could cut a little here, shear a little there. You feel a little bit of hunger, but this time, it is only for a day. That leaves you quickly. You are eating 900 calories a day and you don’t feel a thing.

Your loss slows. You feel perhaps that you have cut back on your fiber too much, and read that others are using laxatives in different forms to keep things moving. You use this. It works. You decide that you will use this method every time you feel uncomfortable. Now you can cut back your caloric intake further. Those in the boot camp program are allowed up to 500 calories a day. You change. You conform. You are now eating 500 calories a day and you don’t feel a thing.

Your loss slows. It is said that you are eating too much because you are not exercising like the people in boot camp. You know you must be weak to not try harder. You must not want this bad enough. So you shift. You change things. Just a little. Just a smidge. Light as a feather, feeling high in your mind. No one notices your hair is brittle. It wouldn’t matter. You are now eating 300 calories a day and you don’t feel a thing.

Your loss slows. You feel palpitations occasionally as though your heart is fluttering. Your family has noticed. Your friends worry. You have made changes. You are strong in your mind, and others wouldn’t understand. They are not strong like you are. You will show them. You are now eating 200 calories a day and you are exercising. And you don’t feel a thing.

You don’t feel a thing.

The coroner pronounced you dead at 2:34 am this morning. You suffered a heart attack because your body consumed the muscles of your heart for energy, and your body could no longer sustain itself. Your mother sobs in the corner. Your daughter stands, glassy-eyed, holding your cold hand. She is four, and she doesn’t understand.

And you don’t feel a thing.

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10 Responses to “Feel.”

  1. Trying to help said

    That was heartbreaking. This could be happening all over the country due to the Kimkins lies. I hope that people will realize they don’t need to do this to themselves to lose weight. There are safe ways. Blogs like this will help so many people. Thanks for starting it!

  2. Taressia said

    tragic but all too possible.

  3. Carski said

    ((((((MANY MANY HUGS))))))) to you.
    So very glad you were able to “get out” and start this blog. Who’s to know how many people are on the verge of dying because of this diet? So glad there is a caring spirit like yours out there to help those who were duped into thinking kimkins was the way to go. May all of them find this blog and share their stories.

  4. Jean said

    This brought me to tears. I’ve seen people all but waste away, because of this type of eating [or not eating] Thankfully they were saved. I hope this blog can help those who need it and may be to scared to tell anyone.

  5. Kimber said

    This sounds like a true “story” from almost any pro ana site you could go to. I have cold chills and feel something very painful stuck in my throat as the reality of this dawns on me. Thank you for this blog. Thank you for making a difference.

  6. Cutie said

    to the owner of this blog: thank you for having this place for people to share their experiences–as heartbreaking as it can be to see…words can not convey how glad i am to see this!

    i was a member at the kimkins site for a long time, was one of the original charter members even…i saw a LOT of things that still give me chills.

    if you find this because you are thinking about doing kimkins…please heed the warnings.

    if you are already doing kimkins…please reconsider or at the very least, make sure you don’t become a victim of what’s being termed as the PBTP (Plan Behind The Plan)–the advisement to go as low as possible in calories and abusing laxatives.

    some of you may be thinking you’re “ok” and have convinced yourselves that a little dizziness and regular nausea etc. is “ok”…it’s not.

    for those of you experiencing even more serious symptoms than that…well, you know it’s not ok, but maybe you don’t know what to do about it…reach out, get help…i beg you.

    for any of you…if there’s anything i can do to help, please email me: lowcarbincutie@hotmail.com

  7. […] Feel. There is an immediate draw to a plan that promises you quick weight loss with no exercise. The plan promises you that […] […]

  8. Tonya said

    That sent chills up and down my spine. Now I know I will NEVER try Kimkins.

  9. Melodie Gale said

    You are a talented writer and you have used that talent to speak to others about your concerns. I have to say that your poem was the final emotional push I needed to make the decision to leave, and to write about it also.

  10. OhYeahBabe said

    I’m sorry for every victim of Kimmer’s fraud and the unsafe Kimkins diet. I hope your health is fully restored. Please

    consider joining the Kimkins lawsuit!

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